The Impact of Miswanting on Relationships and Life
Are You Familiar with the Concept of ‘Miswanting’?
Miswanting is a powerful psychological concept that plays a significant role in shaping our desires and, consequently, our relationships and lives. The term, coined by renowned Nobel Prize winners in Economics, Daniel Kahneman and Angus Deaton, is based on their research, which involved a poll of 450,000 Americans. The study revealed an intriguing phenomenon: our minds tend to focus on wanting something new the moment we attain what we initially desired. This continuous cycle of dissatisfaction can have far-reaching implications on both personal happiness and relationships.
What is Miswanting?
Miswanting occurs when we believe that acquiring something — be it a material possession, a trait, or even an experience — will bring us long-term happiness. However, once we get that desired object or situation, our minds quickly shift focus to wanting something else. This happens because we often misjudge what will truly make us happy. For example, many of us might think that getting a promotion or buying a dream car will lead to lasting happiness, but after a short period of satisfaction, we start wanting something new.
The Role of Miswanting in Relationships
In relationships, miswanting can be particularly damaging. Many of us believe that certain changes or additions will fix or improve our relationship. For instance, we might think, “If only we could go on a vacation, things will be better,” or “If my partner were just a bit more affectionate, we’d be happier.” However, the moment we get what we think will improve the relationship, the excitement fades, and we start desiring something else. Relationships can fall back into the same patterns of dissatisfaction.
Why Miswanting is a Common Human Experience
Miswanting is not a rare occurrence; it is something we all experience at some point. This psychological pattern is deeply rooted in how our brains are wired. Our minds are designed to seek new goals and desires once we’ve achieved something, constantly pushing us toward the next thing. This evolutionary trait may have been beneficial in the past when survival was the goal, but in modern life, it can lead to chronic dissatisfaction. Recognizing when we are falling into the trap of miswanting is the first step in breaking free from it.
How Miswanting Impacts Life Satisfaction
When we continuously chase after new desires, we often miss out on the happiness and contentment that can come from appreciating what we already have. For instance, after receiving a long-awaited job promotion, you might soon find yourself wanting a higher position, more recognition, or even a new career path entirely. This constant state of wanting can lead to a never-ending cycle of dissatisfaction, making it difficult to experience true fulfillment. Reflecting on whether achieving these desires will bring lasting contentment or merely temporary satisfaction is crucial.
Miswanting and Financial Decisions
Miswanting doesn’t just impact relationships and emotional well-being; it also plays a significant role in financial decision-making. Many people believe that having more money or buying certain luxury items will improve their happiness. However, research shows that while money can improve life up to a certain point, it does not guarantee long-term happiness. Like Kahneman and Deaton’s study suggests, after reaching a certain level of financial stability, people start wanting more, often leading to poor financial choices.
Overcoming Miswanting: Focus on True Happiness
To break free from the cycle of miswanting, it’s important to shift focus from external desires to internal fulfillment. Instead of believing that a particular object or experience will improve your life or relationship, take time to analyze whether these desires are based on genuine needs or misconceptions. Practicing gratitude and mindfulness can help you appreciate what you already have, avoiding the trap of constantly seeking something new.
How to Apply This Insight in Relationships
When it comes to relationships, rather than focusing on external changes, it’s more beneficial to work on internal growth and communication. Instead of thinking that a vacation will solve your relationship issues, try having open conversations with your partner about your needs and expectations. Focusing on what truly matters — trust, understanding, and emotional connection — can build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship without falling into the trap of miswanting.
Take a Day to Analyze Your Miswantings
Take some time today to reflect on the areas of your life where miswanting might be at play. Are there things you’ve been chasing that haven’t brought the satisfaction you expected? Are you constantly seeking new experiences or material possessions, hoping they will improve your life or relationships? Identifying these patterns can help you make more mindful decisions that lead to greater happiness and fulfillment. Instead of misjudging what will bring you happiness, focus on nurturing a sense of contentment with what you already have.
